Your Choice of Flower: The Dilemma of Choice
by Minute-Maid511
Summary: Alicia Rose defines perfection. Lily Evans is a demon with a wicked smile. James Potter is the unfortunate soul engaged to one and falling flat on his face for the devil incarnate. An alternate path.
1. Constriction

"Harry Potter"

Your Choice of Flower: The Dilemma of Choice

Synopsis:

James Potter is due to marry Alicia Rose in the spring—it has always been like this and he has never complained. Alicia is the sensible, supportive and ideal woman for James and he feels he can come to love her. It is unfortunate that Lily Evans is spring rain, is summer heat and is the smell of roses fluttering on the breeze.

Do you wish that everything ended differently—went differently, could _be_ different in those stories you love so much? Well, in this one, there is. Read the original and what I had originally wrote or read what I got hit with.

Note: Please, do yourself a favour and go read the first ten chapters of the 'Original Path' of "Your Choice of Flower." If you do not, none of this will make any sense to you.

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Constriction

The clock chimed seven and James shivered, those were the longest strokes he had ever heard that old grandfather clock chime. They were long, painful and were the precursor to a Potter family tradition that had not been broken for as long as a Potter had ever drawn breath. The old grandfather clock served as a bell and tardiness was unacceptable—which is why everyone had made a habit to make it to the table by quarter to in order be there on time. For some unknown, unexplainable reason, dinner time was sacred in this family.

James, however, had very little else to do than be _at_ the dinner table, making sure that their guest behaved themselves accordingly to a normal, civilized being rather than the maelstrom of danger that threw up every alarm bell at maximum strength in his head so much that it gave him a headache.

At least, that was what he had thought in the beginning.

Clearly, he was underestimating the intentions of everyone else present.

"And when James was six he cried so hard the night Anna left for school that he wouldn't stop knocking on my door until I let him in so he could sleep with me!"

Gritting his teeth, James silently endured the ridicule, telling himself over and over that this was a bad dream and that it would all go away once he woke up the next morning. It must have been a bad dream for Lily was sitting on his right and Alicia was sitting on his left while James fumed in the middle.

How ironic.

Sitting across from them were his two older sisters who were grinning from ear to ear like a pair of Cheshire cats and laughing their heads off in a mood that didn't fit their look of refined young ladies. In fact, Relina had even changed out of the dress at the last second and wore plain, casual clothing. Throughout their tirade Alicia had calmly listened and Lily had merely joined in with the cacophony of laughter—but not properly adding to the chaos.

At least it went to show that she had _some_ form of discipline somewhere in that head of hers.

Humiliation could not have had a dearer meaning to James than now.

"Oh, that reminds me, Riri, Jamie always carried around this dirty rag of a blanket up until he was five didn't he?" she asked, holding a finger to her chin in thought.

Relina nodded furiously. "Oh yeah, I remember that! What did he name that thing… Joe or something like that. Really now, a blanket? Of all things? Especially when he has two _gorgeous_ auror _sisters_ to chase the monsters out from under his bed! Oh, Jamie, you were _so_ adorable as a child. You have to wonder what happened over the years," she said sadly with a sigh.

Anna winked at Alicia. "Oh, but we don't need to wonder, we already _know_. The elegant and charming Alicia Rose is what happened. One look and he was smitten so bad that he vowed to be a better—"

"—more dashing—"

"—more responsible—"

"—and much more charming—"

"—man, not boy. Venus has her eye on you, I'd watch out if I were in your shoes. And of course to the lucky lady," Arianna added with a wink in Alicia's direction. Alicia blushed slightly but kept her eyes lowered submissively—not daring to look at anyone.

Relina made a gun with her fist and pointed it at James, winking. "Bang!" she said as she pretended to shoot him.

James rose from his seat immediately, making the chair screech on the marble floor. "You two are like children, you know that!?" he exclaimed exasperatedly—angrily. Even as he was standing up he felt the humiliation of all eyes being on him—or rather on his bright red face—and he pushed his chair out to leave dinner early. Knowing that he was already up and had created a scene, he didn't have the humbleness or lack of ego to simply back down and sit back down in his seat, so he instead excused himself and headed towards his room.

No, no, no, after going this far it was only right, proper and fair that he continued; finishing the ugly thing he started.

Relina and Anna didn't look so much nonplussed as they looked pleased—as if this were all orchestrated to suit their evil twin desires in order to make his life as miserable as they could. Even as he glanced back over at the table, Arianna winked at him while Relina waved. Alicia looked like she was about to die of embarrassment right there and Lily sat there with her chin resting over bridged hands, following him with her eyes like a cat with a sinister smile over her lips—as if it were all her doing that this was happening.

How manipulative.

What a devious, deviant of a woman.

It was unfathomable how _she_ could be the one to make his head spin circles and his heart scream bloody murder because cupid had shot it so many times.

It was unfair. Lily was every bit a dangerous being that not just he should stay away from, but everyone else. Her actions were unexplainable other than the reason being for the complete and utter detriment of the other person. There must be something wrong with him if he thought that he loved her. Perhaps he needed brain surgery, perhaps he was sick in the head, or maybe it was a case of losing his common sense.

Definitely.

That must be it.

Surely he was mistaken in being in love with her.

James glanced back at her quickly, at that cat-like, sinister stare.

So why could he only feel his face overheat suddenly when he looked at her!?

Swivelling his head back around, he took a few shaky steps before calming down and making his way properly up to his bedroom.

James was furious at his sisters—more than he should have been—more than he knew he should have been. Even so, he could hear his thundering footsteps scaling the stairs to his bedroom. Throwing his bedroom door open, he stepped in and slammed the door shut behind him. Breathing long and hard, he eventually calmed down and sighed, slumping to the floor of his bedroom.

For the past seventy-two hours he had wanted Alicia to be the right choice—to be the sensible choice even as he saw Lily perfectly mingle with his family with no pretence, with not even a fake smile. Lily was just that, Lily was Lily. For the past couple days, dinner had been a three way conversation between his parents and Alicia—his eldest sisters often finishing at the same time and as quickly as possible in order to leave the table.

It was no secret that they both were ashamed to be daughters of parents like them.

A mother who threw away family tradition.

A father that cared only about status.

To both of them there was no greater shame than their roots.

It was unspoken, however.

Unmentioned.

Forbidden ground.

Because of that they couldn't stand being in the same room, much less same table as them. That much he understood of their feelings towards their parents.

The only reason James was not able to leave himself was that Alicia was there always sitting beside him, smiling like the doll she was at them. It made them believe that their choice was more correct than ever—every time Alicia flashed them that perfect beauty pageant winning smile. Every time she spoke to them they were charmed by her in the same way her parents were charmed with him every time he spoke to them.

This time in particular she seemed a little more energetic, a little more… Lily almost. It was horrifying to think about Alicia becoming Lily, but he had to admit that an even combination of both of them would be perfect. This change had charmed his parents, the lie she spun so well, so easily, so masterfully—like a black widow. It only made him sick. What happened to the Alicia that didn't need Lily's charms to win over his parents into their own idiotic self-glorified delusions? Somewhere she disappeared and, odd enough though it was true, he didn't quite know Alicia well enough to say anything about it.

_Stop acting like Lily,_ you could imagine, was not something that went well when talking to anyone. To be perfectly honest James would probably admit himself to the psychiatric ward at St. Mungo's should anyone ever tell him something as horrific as that. Especially after the last time Alicia mentioned Lily, it probably wouldn't have been the best idea.

_...you had decided to break the marriage to be with Lily._

Even now, he could still hear her words echoing in his head, ringing clear as a bell. James felt like too much of a pansy to break a girl's heart like that. How Sirius managed to do it so easily and rather successfully was beyond him. Breaking a heart was as grave a sin as it was to kill a king. Both were horrible things and both were equally horrible.

For while death was permanent, living with a broken heart was just as bad and hard to fix.

Sighing, he picked himself up off the ground and headed over to his bed, sitting down on it. It was just today that Arianna had laid his head down on her lap and forced his feelings out of him—forced him to accept a few truths about himself even if he was being goaded into doing so. Still, even with that, he wanted to forget all about Lily and how she unwittingly changed his entire life—made him think about things he had never thought about before.

Freedom.

It tasted so sweet. How old was Arianna when she first tasted it and fought so desperately for it? Fought with every ounce of strength she had. What an incredible will. James couldn't do what Arianna did—he didn't have the strength or the will to do it. When was it that Relina had breathed in its sweet fragrance and picked the lock to her cage?

What was so much different about his sisters than he? What did they have that he didn't?

Laying down on his bed, he stared up at his ceiling and looked around at his walls. They were plain, ordinary and rather dull. The only identifying mark that this was his room was the nameplate on the door—otherwise this could have been a guest room. Alicia's room was furnished a little more feminine and he had only looked inside once when he was a child. That earned him the loss of dinner for an unmarried gentleman didn't enter a lady's room under any condition.

There was a knock at his door and James instinctively glanced at his window where he could have so easily jumped out and gone out for a walk to clear his head—to escape everything at home. Sighing, knowing that it was probably Arianna, he got up and opened the door, looking away not wanting to see the displeasure in his sister's face at the terrible scene he had just made during dinner.

"Well, don't you already look like a scolded little boy?"

James turned and his eyes widened for there was Lily Evans, standing at his door, grinning like the clearly madwoman she was. "What in the bloody hell are _you_ doing here?" he spat out without thinking. The need and the desire to be alone—away from insanity and ridicule was so overpowering that it also overpowered his better nature and instincts—all of which fell apart around Lily Evans anyway.

Lily frowned—clearly offended but clearly deciding to say so. "I seem to recall that I was invited over. At any rate, you are _required_ downstairs," she said, any traces of the frown and previous smile simply evaporating. Green eyes looked away, unable to meet his. For a few seconds, James searched her eyes for any hint or trace of what the _requirement_ might be, but they betrayed nothing other than maybe boredom.

With a sigh, James rolled off his bed and brushed passed her.

"Flowers," she said suddenly, causing James to turn around and look at her. Lily merely leaned against his doorframe where she hadn't moved, not even looking back to him. James raised his eyebrow at her questioningly—though she hadn't turned around to look. "Of any sort, need tender love, care and affection…" she said softly, "Otherwise they will wither and die."

There was something in the way that Lily said that, so stoic and so firm and with such finality that he couldn't take it lightly. Even though the meaning was a little vague to him and he couldn't fathom why she had said it, James continued on down the stairs with a heavy sigh. When he entered the living room, he froze in the doorway. Arianna had an arm around Alicia—whose hands covered her face while her body shook with sobbing.

In every fantasy, James ran over there and replaced Arianna's arm as Alicia leaned onto James, the quiet crying turning into full out sobbing. Whatever had happened to frustrate her so much he didn't need to know right now, right now he needed to be her strength and shield as any good fiancé should be. If it were important he would be notified later, but right now, Alicia was crying and that was all that mattered to him. Rocking her gently, her sobbing eventually ceased as she clutched at his shirt. Slowly, she looked up into his hazel eyes with her tear-struck amber eyes and as the tears rolled down her face he felt the urge to kiss them off her face.

"James… I…"

Shaking his head, James simply placed one hand back on her head, leaning it back onto his shoulder. Right now, all she needed was comfort—comfort that only he could supply. Thankfully, his sisters were silent and he was grateful for that—for right now he needed to be the perfect fiancé to Alicia Rose—his beloved soon to be bride. "Hush, it's alright, cry as much as you'd like right now. Everything will be alright." Though they were sweet lies, he knew that they were comforting ones and for Alicia, he knew he would say as many lies as it took to prevent another tear from falling down those porcelain, blushed cheeks.

Of course, reality was much crueller.

Particularly to James Potter.

So, instead of doing all that as he should and being the knight in shining armour to her as he should, James stood there like a deer caught in the proverbial headlights. The first thing that screamed through his mind was to simply turn around and run as fast in the other direction as his legs would take him. Not once had James ever seen a girl cry before—he was a novice at what to do about it and what to say about it. Even as his sister's were both sending him warning signs that he should either come over and help or get the bloody hell out he was far too scared out of his wits to do, move or say anything.

Crying girls plus angry sisters plus James equalled chaos and disaster. When he felt someone brush past him he saw that both his sisters had focused their eyes on the person that had just walked into the room. Even James' eyes had strayed in their direction as her red hair flashed as she walked under light. Gracefully, easily, she sat down next to Alicia and put both arms around her, leaning Alicia against herself fully.

Without a word, without a glance, Lily started to sing.

Alicia stopped shaking all at once and looked up, eyes wide and full of tears. Seeing her cry made James' heart break a little inside. For so long Alicia Rose had seemed untouchable—like disaster could not touch her. Truly, hers was a face not meant to be stained with tears, suffering and sorrow like they were now. Perhaps he was just nosy and selfish and greedy and insensitive—as girls often thought boys to be, and maybe he was—but he wanted to know what had caused her such a trauma. Although he didn't want to fit into another stereotype, he couldn't help but wonder if it was just a minor issue.

Sirius had once told him that girls cried about everything and that, as men, they should just let them be sometimes. Flowers, chocolates and a few kind words and everything was all better—at least that was the remedy that Sirius had told him about. Another magic phrase he had been taught was 'I'm sorry, it's all my fault.' Though James was positive he had not done anything to her to create anguish on _this_ scale, he couldn't completely be sure either. Despite all of Sirius Black's idiotic relational advice, he found that he wanted to say it and hope it worked so that seeing Alicia cry would stop making him feel so bad—like it really _was_ his entire fault.

"Come now; let it all out, darling. Cry as much as you like for as long."

As Lily continued to coo in Alicia's ear, his sisters had gradually backed off. Neither of them had any experience with crying girls either. Both were such demons he was almost certain that they were incapable of tears. In the Potter family, family problems were kept between family members and personal problems were kept personal. Though he, himself, was an exception to that standard, James knew that it was only because Arianna stood outside the norms of society.

Blissfully so.

Slowly, Relina let out a light sigh and got to her feet and headed towards the kitchen. When he heard her turn the kettle on, at once he realized that she was doing her best to help Alicia out. Catching his eldest sister's glare, James shrunk away and retreated back to the kitchen to help Relina prepare whatever tea or hot confection she was getting prepared. Standing close to her—but not close enough to be in the way, James carefully watched her, waiting for an answer.

Finally, once they were just waiting for the kettle to boil, Relina rounded on James and fixed him with a rather helpless look. "Something terrible has happened, James," she said.

James frowned. What he was looking for was an explanation—not the obvious. The tears that fell down Alicia's face were proof enough. The thing he wanted to know most right now was _what_ had happened that was so terrible. If there was anything he could do, he wanted to be able to do it—but first he wanted to know what the problem was. Though he could be a very good guesser sometimes, he was no mind-reader.

Relina turned away. "I'm sorry, I can't say much more than that unless I'm given permission. Be nice to her, James. Be nice to them both," she said quietly, turning back to the now-whistling kettle, taking it off the stove and pouring the scalding water into the prepared mug. Tapping it with her wand, the spoon started to stir as the cup started to levitate in the air gracefully. Knowing Relina it probably would've spilled otherwise—Arianna was the only one to ever endure a full tea party held by their mother.

Following her out, he saw that Lily had disappeared while Alicia sat quietly on the couch. Whatever had happened in the time he had left them, it looked to be for the better. Looking up at him, Alicia followed him with her eyes until he came and sat down next to her awkwardly. Though they were engaged, he wasn't sure if he should reach his hands out to hers or even try to comfort her in any other way than just being here. In his weak heart for these situations, he knew he was crying in gratitude towards Lily for having smoothed out the way for him—rolled out the red carpet if you will. After this he was prepared to kiss the ground she walked on for having saved him all of that.

"Lily's gone already," Alicia supplied for him when he looked at her. It seemed that Alicia had taken careful notice of who his eyes were searching for in the moment he sat down. "Arianna, Relina, thank you so much… but… I'd like to be alone with James for now."

James swallowed visibly, feeling his insides panic as—despite how sweet and subtle a tone she was using right now—for Alicia Rose could be nothing ever but sweet and subtle and kind and every sort of beautiful—he felt like he was in a great deal of trouble. As he could feel his sisters exchange silent looks with each other before getting up to leave, they didn't say anything, furthering his worry and concern as he sat stiffly next to Alicia. It wasn't until she reached out for his hands with her soft, gentle and cold hands—really, why did girls always seem to have cold hands all the time?—was he thrust back to the reality of the moment.

"James, I… my parents have been attacked. Currently, my father is at St. Mungo's receiving aid in critical condition while… my mother… is dead."

Eyes widening, James felt his breath catch in his throat and his heart stop dead. The Roses were lovely people—nice and wonderful. They had always made him feel very welcome and relaxed while he stayed over. Alicia's parents were so much the perfect image of parents that he had sometimes found himself that he wanted them to adopt him as a child. Now that he was older and knew it to be impossible, he stopped thinking about it. Instead, he was only able to see how such a loving home could bring up such a perfect lady.

Placing a hand over both of hers that clutched his hand, James wore a sympathetic look as he only knew how. "Oh, Alicia…" he whispered quietly, as if the atmosphere would break—like glass. Surprisingly, however, Alicia smiled at him, though her eyes were red and worn out she still managed a smile. James could only imagine that if the same happened to him he'd be a blubbering mess probably crying in Arianna's lap right now.

Shaking her head, Alicia leaned her forehead against his shoulder. "No… I… I'm very grateful. It could've… it could've been much worse. I could've… both of them… No. It could have been worse, James, I could have lost you. Actually, before my father left me here he… he wanted to invite you along with their trip—to see how he worked and what he did. I was selfish because I wanted to spend time with you and so…"

Even as she said the words, James knew he was being pulled in, being spun in webs that he knew were of her unconscious design. As he wrapped his arms around her like the thorny vines that constricted his heart so much more, James hushed her, closing his eyes—comforting her like the good fiancé he was. There was no room for Lily. There was no option for Lily. In the matter James didn't have a choice no matter what he did. In the end, though he knew it, James never really did have a choice in the matter. To think that was utter foolishness. Firstly, his parents would never allow it; secondly, this thorny flower had tangled his heart far too well.

If he moved the thorns would pierce and bleed his heart until it could bleed no more.

"I love you, James…" Alicia whispered.

Throat dry, heart empty and voice hollow, James echoed her words. "I love you too, Alicia Rose."

* * *

To My Reviewers:

Ahem. I love you all. I love this track, I hope you enjoy it!

Comments:

And so begins what _should_ have been.

Please R&R.

- Minute Maid

Beverage of Queens.


	2. The Cast Die

Chapter Twelve: The Cast Die

"…brand new year sprouting brand new opportunities for all. Please, everyone, do your best and continue to support me in my continued reign of the school. Prefects, dismissed!"

There were peals of laughter that erupted all around the room. Lily had called an 'emergency' meeting between everyone—McGonagall not present—and proceeded to dole out the roles, duties and future events that they were to coordinate for the remainder of the year. It had come to a unanimous consensus that they all adored Lily—to a tee. Naturally, when she was so amiable publicly, how could you not? It wasn't until you knew her and learned of the dagger-through-the-head _joy_ of knowing her on a personal level that you thought differently.

Not only that, but it had long ago been established that all matters of importance be deferred to Lily—since she had long ago made others pick up the slack of James Potter. It had been a week back into school and Lily seemed no different—almost untouchable and unaffected by everything and anything that came her way. Not once had an 'occurrence' between himself and Lily 'occurred' since he had last seen her at his home for dinner that one night. James had attended the funeral of Alicia's mother and was keen about the whispering of what a 'fine man' he was for being her strength and support in her time of need.

Despite not knowing who they were he could safely assume they were the thirty-percent of Britain that Alicia had invited to the wedding all in one sitting.

As James sat there, he felt his thoughts continue to wander back and forth between Alicia and Lily once more. The matter had made itself painfully and rather _forcefully_ clear to him—between the two, he had no choice in the matter. There was simply nothing he could do. If he chose Lily his conscience would kill him for abandoning Alicia. If he stayed with Alicia his heart may very well cease to beat and die on the spot. It was almost like fate was giving him the rather strong hint that it was just about time to depart this world for the pearly gates and beyond.

When a foot was placed beside his head, he found he was staring up the leg of Lily Evans as she sat on the table in front of him to his right. A rather 'I told you so' look was simply glued to her face and it irritated him—although he had no idea what she was proverbially _telling him so_ about. It had come to the point that her presence in general irritated him—for multi-faceted reasons—so he couldn't really be sure specifically what bothered him about her anymore.

Except that he knew he was madly in love with her and felt heat come to his face as his heart started to match the furious pace his head was pounding him in a headache with.

It was frustration.

It was pain.

It was agony.

It was love and so unbearably true.

"Wife?" she asked—her singly worded question. _How is Alicia doing?_ Recently, he noticed, Lily had come to ask _many_ questions with a single word. In fact, in his obsessive compulsiveness with everything and anything Lily, he had also noted that the shampoo today—which was usually turned (face out) just so to represent Tuesday was actually turned to show Friday. How James came to notice that and come to that conclusion he would rather not answer. Either way, he had already learned not to refer to her peculiar habits as ways to tell the date any longer after a rather embarrassing past event.

Even as the scent of her perfume wafted to his senses, he was suddenly conflicted with the urge to do one of various things right now. One was to simply grab her leg and lay kisses all the way up until he met her mouth. The other was to remove her offending foot near his head rather than gripe and complain about it—for words like that would always fall on deaf ears concerning Lily Evans.

What he did, instead, was nothing and left it where it was.

Without even answering her question, Lily laughed, removing her own foot and sliding off the table. Walking round behind him—chair and all, Lily slid one arm around his shoulders and he shivered, feeling her warm breath on the skin of his neck. It had been long time since he stopped being surprised at her lack of sense—or consideration—for personal space; but the reaction and feelings that swept over him hadn't lessened even an ounce. The same wave of nausea and heart-pounding adrenaline rushed through his system—only to match the furious pace his current headache had already set halfway through the tedious meeting.

"Painful feeling, isn't it?" she said vaguely, leaving without another word after gathering up her back in one swing over her shoulder, tossing her unnaturally red hair out.

James sighed. Though he had learned to deal with her and had known her and, sweet Merlin, fallen in love with her, he still couldn't understand a single word of 'Lilish.' It was almost like she was speaking a completely different type of English that did not resemble the Queen's in any way shape or form. Despite complaining about it avidly, wishing she made more sense sometimes, he couldn't help but wonder if he was secretly happy she said things so vaguely—_like she knew everything._ If Lily were ever to speak bluntly and plainly in an understandable manner, he wasn't quite sure if society could handle it—for Lily often said things others couldn't or wouldn't.

Another heavy sigh escaping his lips, James gathered himself up, holding a hand to his head. Rubbing his temple in a frail attempt to soothe the pounding headache that did not disappear like the scent of her perfume on the air—and with it his aching heart—James left the now-empty classroom. As he looked around for Alicia—who, more often than not, waited for his meetings to be over, he found himself sighing in relief when he did not see her. Why he was so relieved he couldn't say, but he felt the constriction around his heart ease up just a little—if only minutely. Any respite, he found, was good enough for him to notice it.

"You sigh like an old man."

James jumped, being disturbed from his meandering thoughts. When he turned to see Sirius beside him, he sighed once more. All he wanted to do right now was collapse in his bed—or rather hide under it so he would never have to see the light of day—or Alicia and Lily—wait, maybe not so much Lily—ever again. Although there was a grin on Sirius' face, it instantly vanished the moment that his shoulders slumped. Being engaged had its drawbacks—for one he didn't have as much time to spend with the boys. The other great sponge of his time was mainly sighing and pining for one Lily Evans.

Someone he was still quite troubled about being in love with.

When Sirius shook his shoulders, James forced himself to look into his friend's eyes. It had been a long time since he had spoken with any of them outside of classes. Aside from writing letters to them all over the break, the only time he had seen any of them since returning was during classes—and sometimes not even then for Alicia was in many of his classes.

"What's wrong with you? You've been attached to Rose by more than just a finger since coming back. You're practically a dead man walking already!"

To Sirius, getting married was the equivalent of.

Another heavy sigh escaped James and he stared back at Sirius miserably. Truthfully, that was exactly what James felt like right now—the only thing keeping him grounded was the fact that Lily was still around to make his life miserable. To say that Lily Evans was his misery wouldn't be too far from the horrible and agonizing truth. What was worse was she was _more_ than just that. Oh no, she was _all that_ plus a rainbow-coloured drainage device the size of a small city. Even as Sirius let out a sigh himself, he walked around James and started to push him in the direction of the library.

"Where in Merlin's name are you steering me?" he asked irritably, disliking the way he was being herded like sheep. Despite that, he found he lacked the determination and energy to do anything about it and merely sighed once more after being carted into the empty common room of the Gryffindor tower. Well, it was empty with the exception of his two other friends he also hadn't seen for a very, very long time.

Remus was hunched over one of the tables scribbling furiously on parchment. No matter what you may think, Remus Lupin had a nasty penchant of being Hogwarts' worst—and most notorious—procrastinator. By the looks of it, it was the Charms paper that was due in the next class (James personally was planning to play a familiar game of hooky). Although he couldn't merit doing something like that himself, he had to concede that Remus Lupin put the 'pro' in the very root of the word when you got grades like he did knowing how he did it.

Pulling out a chair for him, Sirius roughly sat him down, pulling one out for himself and taking a seat next to James. "Look, James, I thought that you had already chosen Lily. What's all this with Rose now? Playing games like that isn't—"

"It's not like I have a choice!" he returned sharply, looking away. It seemed his outburst caused both Peter and Remus to look up from their work. In an instant he could see Remus' eyes flashing at the mention of her name and he bleakly remembered that Sirius had mentioned he was also quite fascinated with Lily—to what extent he couldn't be sure. Letting out another sigh, James ran a hand through his hair. "I don't… I don't have a choice."

Sirius groaned in irritation, shaking his head at the display of sheer stubbornness and stupidity before him. "There's a choice in everything, James. I don't care if it _is_ an arranged marriage like this, I won't allow you to continue doing something that is _clearly_ making you miserable. For the life of me I can't understand what's so difficult about this choice. If you love her so much, just… just go for it. I once told you that I envy you, but now I'm just starting to be disappointed in you."

Shaking his head, James, closed his eyes. "I can't possibly leave Alicia. A letter had come to her over the holidays and informed her that her mother was murdered and her father was in critical condition at Mungo's. When she said those words… _'I could have lost you…'_ I… I can't do it, Sirius. She loves me; I won't break her heart like that."

A hand slammed down on the table and Sirius angrily grabbed his collar, lifting him out of his seat as he stood up. There was true anger on his face—anger that his friend was being such an idiot, probably. Everyone else at the table was silent and James returned his angry stare with calm determination. The choice he made, though it was hard to make, he knew was the right one. The atmosphere was tense; none of them had ever seen Sirius as angry as this and James as stubborn as this.

"So you'll break your own for her sake!?" he just about screamed. "Do you have any idea what Lily's _been through?_ Much worse, James. If you cared anything about her, truly, you would have realized that by now."

Grabbing Sirius' wrist that held his collar, he tore it off him, knocking the chair behind him over, glaring at Sirius. "Oh really?" he just about shouted back. "Tell me! For the life of me I _don't know!_ Lily never told me anything! She never tells me _anything!_ _Anything at all!_ What the bloody hell am I supposed to notice when… when…"

The fire that had sparked in him had gone up in a short, glorious blaze before slowly getting rained out. Burning, pitching anger that flooded his veins like all the adrenaline that fuelled it had seemed to leave almost as soon as it had come. Of course Lily was in pain, he had watched her too much and for far too long to _not_ notice. What he didn't know—and probably would never know—was why. Of course he didn't know why—he wasn't certain anyone did.

That smile was too perfect.

That attitude too all-concealing.

That voice far, far too deceiving.

With a sigh, Sirius sat back down and looked away in quiet frustration. "Stop crying already, James, I'm sorry. I don't really know myself. Lily never really told me anything either."

Eyes flashing, James looked at Sirius through bleary eyes—realizing he had, indeed, started crying. Blinking them away, he dried them on his sleeve, setting the chair proper and sitting back down in it. "What… What do you mean?" he asked somewhat worriedly. Just how much of this school had Lily entranced as much as he? For so long he had been too focused on Alicia to know—to realize or notice.

Laughing, Sirius shook his head. "Relax, she's too much trouble for me," he said firstly, all too well aware of the look James was giving him. "I may or may not be the only one to notice, but Lily Evans hasn't always been the lovely thing she is today. It was only really noticeable from fifth year. Before then, you could utter her name and no one would know. Something happened. I spoke to her only once during fifth year and she told me that 'All words have rhyme and reason.' I never spoke to her again after that… but… I still wonder what she meant by that."

It was so true of her that James almost laughed. For everything she said there was always a deeper meaning. Rather than speak face-value, Lily Evans spoke between the lines to such a cryptic degree that you couldn't help but wonder if she wasn't insane. Even though he had come to expect that Lily would never give him a straight answer, he didn't particularly enjoy the same from his friends. To endure it to that degree was just a little too much for him to handle.

Just as he was about to say something, both of their attentions had been diverted away when Remus coughed rather obviously and loudly. For a moment, James realized he had forgotten that Peter and Remus were there as well. Peter simply looked bored and didn't look like he was about to give any input any time soon—which sometimes bothered James because he found that Peter wasn't as slow as everyone thought he was sometimes. Only sometimes.

As Remus put his quill and paper away, probably deciding that he would have to hand in his first ever assignment late in his entire career, he gave them both the same look. It portrayed so much yet showed so little. Remus was the type of person that would gather all the facts before nailing you with the home-run. There was something about that silver tongue of his that could make you believe anything he said—even if the moon was made of Swiss cheese and Danish rabbits.

Power of speech like that was something to be truly feared in James' opinion.

"That aside, James, who will you choose? 'I don't have a choice in the matter' isn't good enough. Make up your mind or you'll hurt more than just yourself. If nothing stood in your way, who would you choose?" he asked calmly, hands clasped together. As James looked at Remus, he couldn't help but think he would make an excellent psychiatrist. Staring into his calm eyes and overall at that calm demeanour, he knew that Remus was the kind of person that was very good at hiding his feelings. It was partially what made him so terrible with girls—of course James couldn't really be one to talk either.

Shoulders slumping in defeat, as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders—which, really, probably would've felt much lighter compared to the large stone block that had literally made him very good friends with the ground—James sighed. Somewhere in the back of his mind he could hear Lily either scolding him for sighing so much or making his life more miserable because he was sighing so much. Knowing Lily, it was probably the latter. The first day he met her she had said so many upfront things about him that he could only see now as true. For a stranger to pick that up so easily… there was either something very unique about Lily Evans or something very wrong about him.

_Silly boy, l__ife is for living._

A smile came to his lips and he closed his eyes. "Lily. Always."

"Then what's stopping you from taking what you want?" Remus asked—very simply.

As forced as this council was, James couldn't help but feel that, truly, desperately, he needed it. For so long he had lived with indecision between both Lily and Alicia. So many times he had told himself—a conditioned reaction—that Alicia was the right one for him. Though he could not deny that Alicia was, in every facet and figure, the perfect girl for him in every respect, he knew his heart would always be looking at Lily.

In a field of roses, when a single Lily blooms you can't help but _not_ notice and stare at it.

"My parents will never allow it. Do you really think it's my choice to be engaged to Alicia Rose? Also, she _loves_ me. I don't have… I'm not the kind of person that can easily break a girl's heart."

"It may not break her heart now, but once vows are exchanged and you're with her forever, when her heart dies there will be no second chances for it to be repaired. Are _you_ prepared to endure that? It will be _your_ fault when that happens. Entirely yours," he added for good measure.

James' eyes widened. It was so true that his heart froze. Of course, how could he be so blind about it? Though you could certainly _learn_ to love someone, it was never as sweet and bitter as the real thing. What would Alicia say about all this? If she was here, listening to this conversation, what would she say? He couldn't be sure and he was certain he would never know because he was still determined not to tell her. It was so close that he would be married soon—he couldn't do this to her. Alicia had been looking forward to this all her life…

But what if he didn't meet her expectations? What if, when they were finally married, she would merely just despise him for his dishonesty? She wouldn't enjoy being married to a man who was constantly in love with someone else. What if he was only prolonging her misery and deluding her in this happiness she felt? Alicia… did she really love him as much as he thought she did? If James knew nothing about love, then did Alicia know much better? As the questions piled and burned on the forefront of his mind he felt his headache thunder on his temple like a stampede of wild drummers let loose.

_You've no love in your life._

Getting up, James shook his head. "Sorry, I have to go," he said. The looks that everyone gave him clearly relayed that they all knew he was simply running away from the matter right now. In another time and another life, James could see himself bolder, stronger, and more capable than this—but right now, he had to be satisfied with who he was. The boys all shook their heads in dismay, but otherwise said nothing and James quickly made his exit out the portrait hole. They were all quite aware of how stubborn he could be.

As he approached the Heads Room, he saw Lily leaning against the portrait—as if she were waiting for him ever since the meeting ended quite a while ago. Of course, if he hadn't been assaulted by Sirius halfway there, he would have been there a lot earlier than now. Though the conversation had been forced on him, he had to be secretly thankful for it. It brought a lot of questions to his mind—questions he couldn't help but wonder if he truly knew the answer to.

When Lily looked up at him, there was a devious look in her eyes and pure temptation written all over her cherry red lips. Though she wore no lipstick, in his mind's eyes, her lips would always be ruby red and taste like the sweet, addictive poison that was love forevermore. A poison he would never taste again.

"The road to hell is paved with _many_ good intentions and is always marked with pain, loss, _and _suffering. Lies are only as sweet until they're put beside truth, James Potter," she said quietly, speaking the password as the portrait swung open, going inside with James behind. As soon as the door closed behind him, she turned around and placed a hand on his face. "Here is a liar who is already suffering," she said, as if she were privy to the conversation he had with the boys just now.

Time stood still for him though he felt his heart move, bleeding from the thorny vine twined around his heart. It was painful, but he wanted it so badly that if it weren't for his own stubbornness and sense of right, he would have already done without Alicia. When Lily removed her hand and sighed, shaking her head, she turned away from him and started to walk away. As soon as he caught sight of her back, James' pulse quickened and he reached out, calling her name frantically—as if he might never be able to say it again.

Stopping, Lily turned around—and for a split second, she looked like a normal girl—surprised. All at once, James stopped upon seeing her emerald green eyes and that frantic, urgent need to just grab her and never let go left him. Whenever Lily's eyes were on him he felt at ease, like the end of the world could come and he wouldn't notice it pass by so long as her eyes were on him. Lily smiled softly at him, her eyes—that were always so sharp and crystal, able to reflect every hole that she could see in your soul back to you like a green, emerald mirror—were soft, pliable and—for the first time ever since staring into them were warm.

Times like this he knew he would've done it—facing every consequence, ramification, punishment and pain later. It was times like this that James knew he would have cast Alicia away for everything she was and everything he didn't need for Lily. The smell of roses suffocated him and the vines were constricting—worse than the cage he had lived in for so long.

In James' perfect world, Alicia Rose never existed to him.

"Yes, James?" she asked. The voice she spoke with was sweet and lovely—and this was not just his imagination and mind playing tricks on him. This time, it was reality and James never wanted to let it go. That expectant voice—she was expecting something and it looked like she was waiting for something. When he looked into her eyes, however, rather than a hard reflective surface, he saw distance, loneliness and was contrary to everything her voice was telling him.

"I… Lily…" he said, not sure what to say—not truly sure what he _wanted_ to say. This moment, as insignificant as it might seem, felt so heavy and important to him and yet the words and thoughts left him. Lily stood there, patiently, the same look on her face—as if she were prepared to wait there forever until he answered her properly—until he said what he wanted to properly.

Now, more than ever he wanted her to be irritating, annoying, frustrating and unkind in every way to him because he didn't know what to do with a Lily like this. A Lily that was not laughing at him, making fun of him, and creating for herself entertainment at his expense. For so long he had learned to deal with that kind of Lily and think of Lily in that way that he didn't know what to do or say after seeing this side of her—this side of her that seemed so much more capable of being human and _humane_. At the drop of a coin, the demon he had fallen in love with had become something so much more.

When James pursed his lips, unwilling to say anything, Lily still did not move, waiting—expectant—patient. It was as if something very great hinged on this very moment for them both and she was aware of it. Well, of course Lily was aware of it—Lily was always a step ahead of everyone else so she must know everything. Nothing was beyond her knowledge—nothing beyond her understanding either.

"I'm sorry…" he said rather pathetically.

Rather than be upset or frown or show any sort of disapproval, Lily, instead, smiled. As if it were the answer she was waiting for, Lily had smiled. That smile, James would only realize so much later, was just the precursor to everything that happened in his life from then onwards. Laughing—a rich and sweetly bitter sound, Lily sighed and walked up to him, placing both hands on her hips, tilting her head slightly at him in amusement.

"My sweet, darling, ugly duckling, don't be sorry; you've grown into a swan. If anything _I_ should be the one who's most sorry. Sorry for everything," she said quietly as her voice grew softer and much gentler. Lily stepped up closer to him, so close that if he leaned down he could kiss her nose. James, couldn't help but think how, mere months ago, he would shrink back in horror and be appalled at his urge to do it. Now, it was so natural to him—it was as natural as wanting to breathe. The only difference in that was he was unable to do the former.

"Sorry for me," she whispered, wrapping both arms around his neck. James pursed his lips tighter and clenched his fists at his sides, afraid of what might happen if he didn't refrain. It was as if Lily was pronouncing with such pristine clarity to James that _she_ was the _only_ one who was capable of making him feel this way. The scent of her, the faint brush of her hair on his skin—James grit his teeth, feeling he might go mad. The urge to kiss those silly untrue apologies straight off her lips was almost too unbearable to manage.

There was no way in hell Lily Evans could _ever_ be sorry for _anything._

"Sorry for this," she whispered, her warm breath falling on his lips before she brought hers to his; capturing them in a quick, chaste kiss. It was gone almost as quickly as it had come, but it left James dazed and wanting more all the same. Almost eagerly, James could feel himself lick his lips as more and more of his resolve was torn to shreds. The power Lily had over him was so maddening and at the same time exhilarating and thrilling—the rush she gave him was so much like a drug to James. But of course, it was natural to assume that since Lily was pure poison.

One drop of her got you hooked for life.

Removing herself, Lily smiled at him once more. "I'm sorry for _many_ things, James Potter. I'm also sorry that the die has been cast and there are some very obvious, _irreversible_ facts about you that cannot be undone. So, I'm sorry this could be farewell," she said, evenly before walking past him, out through the portrait hole.

James stood there quietly, silently, biting his lip until he tasted the bitter, metallic tang of blood. It brought him back to reality and it tasted so harsh and sour compared to her honey-sweet kiss. More than likely, he thought to himself, it would be the first and last kiss he would ever receive from Lily Evans. Though there were no tears in his eyes, he felt his heart weeping, bleeding, wailing, and blaming him for everything that had just happened.

_You've no love in your life._

Not anymore anyway.

* * *

To My Reviewers:

Vapid Philosophy: Straight-laced? Boredom? Never. Not for YCF anyway. Remember how I've been griping and complaining about how I didn't like where YCF was going on the original path? Well, then _this_ struck me and made it all better. If you love the original, you'll love this, I promise. And thank you for reviewing so much! It makes me warm and fuzzy to hear feedback from everyone!

dancingqueensillystring: Oh, that makes me ridiculously happy to hear! Alicia Rose is a rather staple character of mine (her name shall pop up in just about every other LJ story I write--coming up with a billion new characters for the same fandom is tiring). I'm glad it's come across that way to you, because I really want to make _Your Choice of Flower_ what I had intended it to be all along. I'm sorry, I don't give plot spoilers to anyone. :)

Ahem. RAWR. And of course, thank you for all your love! Now, remember, even if you _don't_ review, I still love you. In fact, I take it as a "Why, I love it so much that I can't stop reading it to do something silly like review."

Comments:

I love ducks. And of course Minute Maid. Especially the latter.

Please R&R.

- Minute Maid

Beverage of Queens.


	3. Miss Wonderland

Chapter Thirteen: Miss Wonderland

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Alice.

Just like every other silly story that starts with those predetermined words of 'once upon a time' this was a silly story strictly for fairy tales. The type of fairy tales that makes a girl want to believe in true white knights and dashing princes on their gallant steeds. 'Once upon a time' stories are often quick, lovely, and beautiful lies carved to misguide children.

Reality is far harsher; I know this better than anyone.

Alice could never be seen without a smile, laugh or look of sheer and utter perverse triumph on her face you'd think she had just gone and told the devil to 'stuff it' and gotten away with it. Many times and in so many ways, Alice often did. This sparked jealousy among others of Alice, but they would freely admit they still loved her all the same—for she was so lovely and wonderful you could do nothing but. You could not hate Alice for she exemplified sweetness and charm so rich and full that you should be warned of receiving cavities.

Even with that mischievous streak in her, Alice wanted nothing more out of life. Beyond the comforts of the world around her, she wanted nothing. Disaster held no ground in her life and she laughed in the face of sorrow. Alice was the type of girl who was invincible and absolutely untouchable in every way. So admired, so loved and so perfect you wanted to strangle every ounce of life out of her since such a person couldn't possibly be real.

All things in life are based on opportunity. There are only two types of people in this world—those who grab it and those who don't.

Alice was someone who did not so much grab opportunity as _take it_.

With such a perfect life and everything she could possibly want at her fingertips or so easily hunted down, there was nothing that could stop her. An immeasurable force—an unbreakable will. Everything about her I admired so very, _very_ much. To say the least, I was spellbound by her, enchanted. The only tragedy I found in Alice was that she was not real.

Not a single bit.

When the storm came and Alice ran down that rabbit hole, only to find herself somewhere foreign, she merely laughed in the face of it all. Nothing fazed her—nothing could touch her. _Untouchable._ Alice was impossibly inhuman and I couldn't help but think that she was also so very human at the same time. Every defeat could be turned around and seen as her victory and every situation—no matter how bad had always come out to her benefit. It was an impossible fairy tale.

I was jealous.

When that rabbit tempted _me_ to go through that hole—my only option for I had nothing left in this crumbling world, I did nothing but sit in my misery. When I heard of Alice, I thought she was rubbish. No one was _really_ like that. No one could suffer so much agony and suffering and still smile like she did. It was, after all, a fairy tale. Fairy tales are not reality and they don't exist.

Never.

It wasn't until tragedy hit me again I looked at Alice. It was there that I saw that Alice had become, to me, so much more human than she presented herself to be. When I looked at Alice, I saw someone who had become desperate. Alice was someone who had become so greedy and selfish and so terrified of misery that she fought back against it—kicking and screaming. Nothing could touch her because she never let it get close enough to. If nothing went right with her life she would make it right—_force it_ to be right.

When I saw that, I decided to do the same.

Here, I began to admire her.

Alice was ageless, fearless, with endless determination and a touch of insanity.

It was here that I decided that if Alice were not a real person, I would make her real.

No one understood Alice as well as I did.

Did I love her?

Never.

Did I love Lily Evans?

Not enough to keep her.

Alice threw kisses at boys and never looked back. I did the same—no one could deny that. No one could not help _but_ notice me any more. Hogwarts had watched me walk through these halls as a girl who lost everything. Now the halls of these schools watched as I walked _proudly_ through these halls as a girl who simply _took_ everything—everything that had been taken away but never truly returned. I had taken that gun and I shot Fate to pieces, I sent Luck to hell and I made sure Suffering knew it was better to leave me alone.

I had become adored.

I had become admired.

I had become loathed, despised and downright hated.

I had become Miss Alice Wonderland.

I had become something unreal.

Something utterly impossible.

A fairy tale.

All this time, even though I was Alice, I had never gotten rid of Lily Evans. Lily Evans—a girl who lost everything and had literally nothing left to live for. For everything Alice was, Lily Evans was not. Every word Alice spoke, Lily listened to. Every action Alice took, Lily watched. Every thought Alice conceived, Lily understood.

You know, when I think of this inner turmoil amongst myself, I cannot help but think I am as touched with insanity as Alice was. What terrible misery had forced Alice into such a corner and such an extreme as to make her what she was when I read about her I will never know. Regardless of that, I will _eternally_ be thankful to it—grateful that it created this monster so that I could make it reality.

The one thing I did not understand about Alice was that she was loveless.

Lily Evans was not.

I was not.

When Alice had thrown kisses to boys and never looked back, she did so with good reason. No matter what, she would never look upon the face of love—knowing it would shoot her very persona down to hell and tear her to pieces. When Lily kissed James—when _I_ kissed James, I knew immediately it was something that Alice would _never_ do. Alice was not so much against looking upon that face as she was _terrified_ of it—body and soul.

Do I regret kissing him?

I can't say.

In the matter of love, I always thought that I would do what Alice did—after all, _I_ was the one who made her real—brought her to reality. Didn't that mean a thing? Didn't that mean that _I_ was the one who created her? To me, Lily Evans is as stranger to me as anyone on the street. In a way, you could say I've lost my identity. I won't argue with that. I will, however, say that I've gained _so, so, so much more._

Would you agree?

For so long I had thought such dreadful and awful thoughts about how I would do _anything_ and absolutely _everything_ to gain back what was taken from me. I would cut my hair, change my name, become someone else—become _anyone_ else to get back what was taken from me. My parents, my sister, my dear Natalie (who really was such a priss, but I loved her all the same) and my wonderful and blessed life—I wanted it all back.

Some fragment of that thinking had stuck around when I heard the name _James Potter_ mentioned. Such a perfect life—so enviable. It made me as proverbially green as the very colour of my eyes. I didn't think too much about him—we simply didn't mix. Every time I saw James he looked too much like a puppet—always doing what others told him to do. When I saw those strings, I couldn't help but pity him—immensely. More than I should.

Alice doesn't care about anyone but herself. That is her charm, that is her flaw, that is what makes her Alice and completely _untouchable_.

When I saw the kind of life he led, jealousy rose in me so foul and ugly and green that it brought me to an extreme. I _wanted_ his life; I _wanted_ it all. I would have even suffered and taken the deal to be wed to Alicia Rose—of all people—to have it. It was so unfair—that someone who wanted a life like that _so, so, so_ much that it _hurt_ had it stolen away. It was unfair that someone who did not even _care_ for it had it so easily.

From the first day that I saw James in the park, I wasn't aware of this jealousy. I mistook it for interest—I mistook it for entertainment. Once again, I blame my desire to live in the past for all of this. It wasn't really until I met each of his sisters and saw the kind of life he _truly_ had—the life I _once_ had—that I started to see the ugly green dragon for what it was. By then it was too late. Unconsciously I wanted to _destroy_ all of that—everything he had. I wanted my jealousy to _consume_ that utterly perfect life of his and _ruin_ it to its very foundations. Unconsciously I had already started doing so.

In the process of that, I didn't see what was coming to me.

I never wanted to look at the face of love. I never wanted to be stung by cupid's ungodly arrows that hurt worse than real ones and killed you in a way so much more damaging than you could believe. I knew what _that_ face looked like—I _knew_ what that _look_ looked like. I saw it all around me and I avoided it like a plague. Really, I have to applaud my own genius on that note.

In the process of avoiding it, I hadn't really noticed myself run headlong into it—and to compound the horror I hadn't recognized it even when I did so. I thought love had always looked like a smile and were full of kisses. When I stared right back into a scowl and rather obviously irritated glare, of course it passed under my radar. Petunia always looked at me like that and _she_ never held much love for me after my seventh summer.

I think in that regard I can be excused.

Once you stare into the face of love, you can never look back. It will haunt you for the rest of your days whether you want it to or not. Many take it as a blessing—to me it was a curse. It was another way that fate wanted to test me—wanted to test and destroy my Alice. I wasn't about to let my heart shatter for he was practically married to Alicia Rose. It's really funny to me, you see, because I thought I had shot fate's chance of touching me again between the eyes. Fate really gave a new definition to its 'cruel twist.'

That which I had envied so much to the point of despise I had fallen in love with.

My ugly duckling had turned into a beautiful swan right under my nose and it captivated me.

I am, at the very root of it all, a very selfish person. The farewell I gave him was more for me than for anything else. As impossible and futile as it is, I will run from it. In that regard I don't care how many people's feelings I will have to step on, I don't care if I have to become such a devil that James despises me—hates me. I will do anything and everything I can to stop it from happening. I will take it and crush it. I am, after all, an opportunist. James is in as much love with me as I am with him—he has been far too knee deep in the water for too long to not notice it rising up around his ears drowning him. I was simply too blind to notice it myself. When, where or _why in Merlin's name_ I let go of the key I can't comprehend.

Why did I kiss him?

I don't know.

I honest to goodness couldn't tell you.

For all my genius, the answer to a simple question was so hard to come up with that you'd find me lying no matter what I said.

What I do know is that _Lily Evans_ is _not_ Alice—nor is she stuck in Wonderland. Lily Evans has been living in reality all this time. The one trapped in this awful, _wonderful_ land is me. For almost three years I have been living in this land that is so far replaced from reality that nothing from reality could ever faze you. Who I am I've lost sight of.

There.

Right there.

You could argue a case for my insanity.

I am Lily Evans.

I am also Miss Alice Wonderland.

Between them I am merely a spectator.

I swear to Merlin I am not insane.

Merlin; because God would see through my lie straight away. Lily never lies. Not anymore. But the Alice I've become would—always. Alice would lie, cheat and steal to get what she wanted because she is ruthless and heartless that way. It was only after I kissed James did I see that I hadn't so much as become Alice as I adopted her. In the process of that, I've lied to myself in the realty of the matter. Alice _corrupted_ Lily and I allowed her to. Perhaps, at heart, I am a liar no matter what I think or how much I hate being called one.

Lies were tools to be used—weapons that could cut and bleed you so that you would never notice. They were sharp and they were deadly and nothing else mattered if you weren't on the receiving end. The pain of the ramification of those lies would always come later.

Much later.

I laugh at myself for all my honesty despite becoming what I have. If James were not so selfish himself and simply asked me if I loved him or not, I know I would say that I do. The one who kissed James Potter, I still don't know if it was Lily, Alice or me. The Alice of my fairy tale never would, but the Alice I made reality certainly might. Somewhere along the way, I think, as I saw that little white rabbit and chased it down its hole I lost sight of everything.

I've lived in this world for so long that when I see another tumbling down that rabbit hole after me, I can't help but stare as a smile comes to my oh so kissable lips (because I know he wants to).

"Miss Wonderland, what do you think of that rabbit that followed you down here?"

"That's no rabbit, Mr. Fox, because that there is a duck—and you know I love duck."

In regards to the type of person I am, there are only two types.

I think I've decided what kind of person I'll be.

* * *

To My Reviewers:

All of your reviews give me such warm fuzzies inside. I'm glad you're all taking to this path so well! I'm also incredibly happy that you enjoy reading it so much! I enjoy writing for you all! And, of course, Merry Christmas, I hope your holidays are going absolutely splendid!

Comments:

I think it's ridiculously ironic how the same release is under the same chapter title. I didn't intentionally plan it that way, I swear.

Please R&R.

- Minute Maid

Beverage of Queens.


	4. Opportunity

Chapter Fourteen: Opportunity

The tie that Alicia had fastened around his neck was tight.

Figuratively and literally.

In a rather futile effort to alleviate some of this stress from his neck, James tugged at his collar a bit. Despite the warnings from both Sirius Black and Remus Lupin—Peter Pettigrew didn't seem much interested and often carried a rather dazed look as of late—James didn't do anything about the situation with Alicia Rose. Apart from the fact that James didn't do anything to stop Lily from separating herself permanently from him he couldn't help but feel and suffer the loss all the same. Although he didn't know the precise reason for the distancing, he had a pretty good assumption.

Recently, his parents had sent him a letter in order to confirm a few things to which he had to hastily write back and correct them on. Due to his blunder and slip up in the matter, the wedding had been _officially_ pushed back until they had graduated. While his parents' ideas of a spring marriage had to be destroyed to give way for plans of a summer one, he was left with the arduous task of making sure that Alicia wasn't aware that the change had happened _recently_—as opposed to a few months ago when he had come close to breaking it off with her entirely.

Since Lily had almost vanished from his life, apart from the shared roles they carried, James found himself despising the words 'I love you' more than any other set of three in the English language. For one, it was utter hogwash when he said it to her. Secondly, it burned his ears and stabbed his heart with a feeling that _felt_ like guilt, _sounded_ like guilt, _acted_ like guilt and looked like a spring lily. What he was guilty about he couldn't really determine and James was the type of person that didn't like finding out because it probably would uncover something large, black, and rather ugly.

The theme for the spring dance—that was scheduled precariously close to the graduation of the current seventh years—was to be flowers. Flowers spoke and understood the language of love; and spring and love tended to mix quite often. Seeing as how love, flowers and spring all mixed together so nicely and was so appealing to the female population—minus Lily Evans for her bold declaration about her own self-proclaimed genius idea was purely narcissist in value, therefore lacking any form of love for another—it was decided that the theme would be flowers. The female population of prefects could not be happier if their enthusiasm and the petulant groans of male society was any indicator.

Under any other circumstance, James would've been more than happy to oppose her suggestion—simply because he found he was a monger for conflict between himself and the questionable love of his life. The way he was now—more chained to Alicia Rose than ever before—he couldn't find the energy, enthusiasm or commitment to do so. This left poor Allen Edgecomb—who was severely allergic to pollen—alone to protest against their tyrannical monarch of a Head Girl. When James had been asked his opinion of the theme by Allen, his response was akin to: "Dances are really only intended to make the female population of the school happy, so why not?"

What he _disliked_ about this particular dance was the ongoing event that would take place.

Lily had masterfully crafted this dance, after James' most recent comment on dances, to be completely and _utterly_ tailored to girls. All boys at the dance would be given a rose while girls were given plain white lilies. The idea was based strictly off the idea that girls were weak to all situations the least bit romantic. After the meeting that Lily had so boldly—and a bit too proudly—declared the theme of the dance, James heard her comment on her own genius with this:

_"This will be a huge success because girls are fools for romance and everything that lands under that umbrella."_

For the record, her words, not his.

_Hers._

The idea in this was that boys and girls would be given the chance to exchange flowers with one another. If flowers represented a material form of love, then it could only be assumed that those exchanging flowers would have, to some degree, affection for one another. By the end of the night, the girls would be wearing roses and the boys dressed with lilies over their hearts.

During the meeting James could count the boys in the room that were interested in Lily's feministic tirade on one hand. With no opinion—or difference in opinion—on the matter, James was able to take up an old habit and simply just watch Lily innocently—or not so innocently.

He still couldn't find what was wrong with wanting to take her away to a broom closet and kiss her senseless even though he was marrying someone else. It seemed so natural to do so that he found himself imagining doing just that on more than one occasion.

When he asked her after 'Why lilies for the boys?' after one meeting, his opposite had simply said:

_"Because I am a narcissist in every way imaginable."_

Although logic had told him she had given him, perhaps, the first and only straight answer he had ever received from her, his brain lacked the effort to decipher it. For so long he had listened to Lily's words fail to make sense to him that when they made perfect sense, and alluded to things not at all vague, he still didn't understand what was said to him. Although he had come to this conclusion a long time ago, James had to wonder why he still ever bothered to ask her questions of any sort—expectation for a proper answer or not.

James sighed irritably. After he had gotten ready, Alicia had onced him over and adjusted various things on him—one being his ongoing battle with his hair. When it was Alicia versus his hair, it would always be hair Alicia. It was simply untameable and James had conceded defeat a long time ago. In order to compensate for her loss, however, Alicia had turned on a habit of tightening his tie tighter—as if the lack of oxygen to his brain would cause his hair to lie flat.

In a parallel universe that could only really be conceived by someone as lunatic as Lily Evans, he supposed that it would work.

Now he was simply waiting for Alicia to get ready—for the second time. As he glanced at a nearby clock, he pursed his lips and grumbled a bit at being five minutes late already. Though he was the Head Boy and had to be there early—earlier than everyone else to prepare—it didn't change the fact that Lily's internal clock—and McGonagall's for that matter—would catch him. Afterwards he would be on the very blunt end of punishment and scolding. It also didn't change the fact that Alicia Rose was still a _girl_ and would take forever until you were late to be ready.

Frustration thy name is woman.

When the door opened and Alicia walked out, James' breath—like any other hot-blooded young male—caught in his throat—but only for a second. Somewhere in his mind he knew if it had been Lily walking out that door dressed as beautiful as that he indefinitely would have dropped dead from lack of oxygen reaching his brain. Alicia smiled at him, standing in the doorway for a while to allow him to simply marvel at her.

Twirling around prettily like the little girl she was, Alicia lifted her dress up a bit off the floor as she shrugged her shoulders. Amber eyes searched his for much-needed approval. "Well… what do you think?"

James smiled, bowing to her before offering her an arm. "Lovely as always, Alicia. You look divine."

A blush spread to her face and Alicia lifted her fuchsia dress to take the few steps towards him before taking his proffered arm. Memories flooded his mind of so many similar situations and scenes that had played out in this same way to him. For nearly all his life, he had been with Alicia Rose. Although he wasn't completely aware of all that much about her hobbies—he knew all of her likes, her dislikes and her habits. Of them all he knew that her faithfulness was her greatest asset and utmost liability.

Steady silence engulfed them on the way to the Great Hall as their meaningless conversation quietly died. A gap had formed between them despite the words exchanged over Christmas holidays. James knew Alicia was not stupid and she knew that gap had a name. Regardless, he knew that she was happy—happy, for once, that she had something that Lily didn't. Over their Christmas break, Alicia had just about crushed his heart, affirming in her own with him that he did not love Lily Evans. During that conversation, he found out that she admired Lily—so much, so painfully much.

In a small way, he thought, she was happy that, for once, she was ahead of Lily Evans instead of the other way around. James certainly hadn't missed that tone of jealousy when Alicia talked about Lily Evans. Of course, James would have comforted her and told her that she was a thousand times better than Lily Evans under any other circumstance before actually meeting Lily. In a weird way though, he enjoyed seeing her so frustrated over something for once in her life. In a less weird way he was thankful that he wasn't the only one that Lily Evans frustrated down to the wire. Even if they weren't for the same reasons.

Upon entering the Great Hall, they took only a few steps before he saw a rather ticked off Lily Evans glaring in his general direction, storming over to them. It looked like a fire had been brewing in her eyes and getting steadily hotter every minute he wasn't there past the time he should've been there. Set, determined eyes never left his and he felt himself panic slightly. Lily reached out for his throat and he froze, as the thought that she might strangle him came over his mind.

"You're late," she said curtly, instead just grabbing his collar and dragging him away as Alicia let go of him rather easily. James wasn't even given the chance to apologize for being late—though it arguably wasn't his fault—as they stopped and Lily let go of him—organizing some papers on a table. Thrusting them at his chest, she smiled. "Next time, tell your little miss that you have to be here a half hour earlier than you actually need to be. Lie, cheat, steal—whatever it takes!"

This was a familiar attitude for James. Every once in a while, Lily set aside everything that was, well, Lily, in order to get work done. Although this happened rather rarely and she often went in and out—James knew better than to upset her during those times. The trouble was that it flipped on and off like a switch so many times and so often he couldn't really keep up. Sometimes he couldn't tell if she was driven to perfection or just insane.

Something deep inside hinted it was the latter.

As Lily continued to list off a number of things he was expected to do tonight, James could only nod at her every so often to affirm that, yes, he probably was listening to her every demand—and no, he _wasn't_ aware of Lily's ridiculously low neck line. The fact that it was styled in a fashion so that it _almost_ did not exist at all was very tormenting. Never mind the fact that an entire side of her dress _also_ almost didn't exist up to her waistline. No, he wasn't aware of it at all. _At all._ It wasn't until she slapped him on the side of his head lightly that he jolted slightly and looked at her properly for—perhaps—the first time that night.

A light smirk was on her cherry red lips and her usually green eyes were spelled to be a dark black. For the life of him, James wanted to just whisk her off her feet and kiss those lips senseless until his lungs collapsed. If Alicia looked divine, Lily looked like something that hell had spat up in every attempt to show him the true meaning of the word _seduction_. Although it was a spring dance, Lily wore a silken black dress that swept the ground with long gloves that rode all the way up her arms to just below her shoulders to match.

Truth be bluntly told, Lily Evans was a stunning sight tonight—so stunning that James thought his heart might have stopped long ago. That slight curve of her lips and the way she held herself told the world at large that she knew she looked irresistible to boot. In the back of his mind, James knew that someone _somewhere_ was laughing at his misery.

"Look, Potter, I know you love me, and I'm sure the sentiments are _very_ warm, but I'd appreciate you doing your job tonight. I'm afraid your wife would be terribly upset with me if I stole your eyes tonight…" Stepping up close to him, she held his eyes carefully, as if to say that his eyes should forever remain hers no matter what she said. "But if you need a view, I don't mind being your vision," she said so low that he found that the normal person would have to strain to hear it. It was never a matter of whether he heard what Lily said or not—everything about him had already been attuned to pick up anything and everything about her—it was just a matter of whether he wanted to believe what he heard or not after that.

Stiffening, James tore his eyes away—taking a step back—after realizing they had been locked with Lily's for longer than a moment; coughing like a drowning man gasping for air. When Lily laughed at him, he felt his heart and eyes being pulled at the sound of it. His heart was always looking at her and he knew it was only by sheer force of will that his eyes did not always follow.

Distracting his gaze away to the papers she had almost literally thrown at him earlier, he looked at the schedule. There would be dinner followed by dancing alongside live music. As his eyes scanned the sheet once more, he saw that the one performing would be Lily herself. Looking up at her, he blinked. Could it have been a mistake? James had only heard her sing a few times before, but he never really got the full feel of what her voice could carry.

"Is this list right?"

Lily smiled. "To a tee." Walking over to a large decoration stand, Lily picked out a flower and went to place it in his jacket pocket. "Men should always wear flowers over their hearts; now go make peace with your little lady because she's giving you the devil's eyes right now. I'll take care of the rest, my Useless Head Boy." Turning on her heel, Lily picked up a clipboard on a table and went straight for McGonagall. James could see her wide-brimmed, feathered hat bounce with her firm nods of approval throughout the conversation with Lily.

Sighing, James turned around and almost winced at the stare that Alicia was giving him—it was as cold as ice. Walking over to her, James put on his best smile for her. It wouldn't do to make her upset this early on in the night—or at all for that matter. Alicia was as saintly as saints could get, but she also had her limits. The closer he got however, the more that look of perverse displeasure disappeared into a gentle smile. Taking her hand he kissed it lightly and Alicia blushed, looking away coyly at the gesture.

"I'm sorry for making you late, James, it wasn't my intention. I just… wanted to look my best for you."

James laughed, shaking his head. "Alicia, you look beautiful in my eyes no matter what you do or wear. If I have to get scolded by the Head Girl so you can look that much more dazzling, then I'll suffer it."

Laughing lightly—not too loudly or softly, but just right—Alicia lifted her hands to the rose in full bloom resting over his heart. Smiling lightly to herself, as if going over a fond memory, she leaned over and breathed deeply of its fragrance. "A rose suits you, I think," she said quietly, her eyes fixated on the blossom.

Rather unfeelingly, James smiled. "I think so too."

The sound of clapping drew both of their attentions away and directed it to the stage, where Lily stood under a spotlight for all to see. Her hands were raised high in the air and clapping loudly to the spell of an amplified _Sonorous_. There were only prefects in the Hall at the time and all eyes were on her—like they always were. Like James' always were.

"The spring dance begins in thirty minutes you all, let's make this night one for the books and do our best to show Hogwarts that we know how to plan for them a good time. Today, with express permission from our beloved Transfigurations professor we will be entertaining a rather fun event. It will be called, _Your Choice of Flower_. Boys shall give roses and girls may return in kind with lilies. There are many flowers out here but you can only give yours away to one! Those assigned to the door are to inform everyone of this event and hand out the flowers. That said, let's all have some fun tonight!"

There were cheers and whistles directed towards the stage in general and Lily lifted the side of her dress, fanning it out and bowed with an arm in front. Were James any less of a gentlemen he would have not closed his eyes at that moment. By this point in time of the year, you had to be attending another school, or else be blind _and_ deaf to _not_ know who Lily Evans was. Such was her popularity, such was the ode to how well-liked she was and a true testament of just how damnably good she was at her job.

It wasn't much longer after that that he found himself standing beside her, walking up onstage in front of the entire student body of fifth years and up. After looking at the entire gathering of boys looking their finest with two flowers or just one tucked away in their coats—having already taken advantage of the event—and all the girls wearing the flowers pinned or strapped to each wrist, James realized that Lily was possibly the only one not to wear one. As the spotlight came on them both, he quickly glanced over at her and saw that that flawless smile was, perhaps, more crimson than real as she looked out at the population from under long dark lashes and hair so red that it couldn't be natural.

Lily was probably one of those responsible for a misconception in the muggle world about their idea of witches.

Amidst the decorations of lilies and roses that littered the room and the magical butterflies that lit up the Hall, giving it a dim haze of light, Lily almost looked out of place with her black dress and redder than red hair.

"Good evening, Hogwarts. I welcome you to the spring dance," she announced loudly, letting the low hum of clinking plates, glasses and silverware come to a halt before continuing. "Tonight, we have a very special event taking place: _Your Choice of Flower_. If my lovely doormen are doing their jobs, you'll know all about it. If not—and no, I'm not pointing a finger at you, Mister Wood. If I were dating one of the Richardson twins I would shirk my responsibility too. If not, then let me reiterate tonight's event for you. Give your heart's desire your one and only flower and pray for one in return. Unfortunately for you all, the boy next to me is, as you can see, wearing only one; for we _all_ know who his heart belongs to. Don't we, Alicia?" she said, winking in her general direction.

A spotlight suddenly came on her and Alicia turned a bright shade of crimson as all the eyes in the room swivelled over to her. Of course, this was rather old news to the whole school in general. Absolutely _everyone_ knew that they were engaged and that promptly told the female population that James Potter was strictly off limits. As the spotlight over his fiancé dimmed, James could feel an impeccable flush rise to his cheeks. The emotion that came with it he couldn't tell between fury or embarrassment.

James smirked at Lily and sighed audibly. "Anyway, we really hope you all enjoy yourselves tonight—as this will be the last dance of the year. Let's make it a memorable one! I hope you've all enjoyed your meals tonight—courtesy of the house elves. Now let's begin the dance and music—starring our very own, Head Girl, Lily Evans!" he announced loudly, beaming at everyone as he clapped for her, backing up off the stage while the spotlight focused on her—proud and bright.

At once, he felt someone reach for his arm and he turned to see Alicia—smiling. "Come on, James, let's dance!" she said excitedly, dragging him to the dance floor like so many others did. As he glanced up on stage for a moment, he saw that there were other instruments set up—Lily would be singing with a band tonight. As the music started to pick up, the tempo started slow, steady and even. A mic was even set up for a more natural effect. Tonight, this would be all Lily, all real.

James could hear Lily suck in her breath as he took the first step with Alicia.

The lyrics were dark and sounded sweet in his ears.

_"…devil wears a halo… Hey low… hey oh…"_

Alicia smiled up at him. Even though her lips moved, all he could her was _her_ voice reverberating in his ears—in his heart and pounding in his mind. When he glanced over at Lily, he saw her eyes closed as if she were pouring her heart and soul into the song. His eyes widened and he felt every nerve in his body stand on end.

_"…look at her, ain't she grand?"_

"What?" he asked, gathering his senses, tearing his eyes away from Lily to look at Alicia. She had said something and he didn't catch it because he wasn't listening.

Alicia frowned. "I said, 'Lily has a good voice, doesn't she?'"

_"..feel so cold…"_

"Yes, she does…" he replied reflexively, looking up at her once again as the stage passed his vision. The spotlight turned off and lights flared behind the band, silhouetting those onstage.

_"…__feel so fine…"_

"James, are you feeling alright?"

_"…__feel divine…"_

_...if you need a view, I don't mind being your vision._

"I…"

Alicia pursed her lips. "You weren't listening to me, James."

James blinked, doing a double-take, turning his already divided attention back to her in a rather jerky reaction at her sharp, reprimanding tone.

_"…even Hell has wings..."_

"You… never pay any attention to me, James."

"That's not true, Alicia… I… love you."

Lily sang a long note and he James felt like his heart had stopped with it.

Alicia lowered her eyes. "James… who do you think about most. Me or _her_?" she asked rather angrily and pointedly.

"Alicia, of course I—"

Standing back from him, Alicia slapped him, tears in her eyes as she picked up her dress and stormed away heatedly. The distinct feeling of guilt swept over James. Although he knew what had set her off, he didn't want to admit it and take responsibility for it. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. Someone bumped into him and he turned to see Sirius grinning from ear to ear, smirking at him.

"Very smooth, Potter, _very_ smooth," he commented before turning his attention back to his dance partner and leading them both away from him.

The music started to die down and once again his attention was brought back up on stage. Just from the looks of it, Lily had her eyes closed the entire duration of the song. At the sound of the music having come to an almost complete stop, everyone turned their attention to her as well. It was quite effective for it meant that not many caught the little quarrel that he had just gotten into with Alicia—although he wasn't certain what he had done that was so very wrong.

Lily, opening her eyes in a flash for the last line, gazed out at the dark crowded mass dancing before her—hanging onto her every note.

_"Even the devil wears a halo."_

Cheers erupted throughout the Hall and Lily smiled out at everyone before the spotlight dimmed once again and they were left with the dim lights that the butterflies provided. As she stepped offstage, James went up to meet her. He would fix things with Alicia later—right now it looked like she wanted to vent and James wasn't in the mood to subjugate himself to being her emotional punching bag. Offering her his best smile, James put his hands in his pockets to hide just how nervous he was.

"You performed well, Lily—it was a huge success."

Lily smiled sinfully at him. "I'm glad, James Potter, I'm glad. Come on," she said, grabbing his wrist and pulling it out of his pocket so she could drag him. "It's a little too crowded in here for my liking."

James merely sighed, following her lead—as if it were the most natural thing to do. They didn't speak at all as they slipped out of the Hall primarily unnoticed. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Remus sitting at a table, smiling at him—possibly the only person to notice them leaving. As they walked through the empty hallways—Lily's shoes clicking on the stone floor the only sound—James immediately recognized that they were heading outside towards the lake. Once they got there, he saw the moon reflected in the lake—a stunning sight to behold—so much that he had lost track of the one who had brought him here.

James groaned and winced as her shoe hit him square on the forehead. Lily, the cruel and heartless witch she was, merely laughed—seemingly barely able to contain herself. In fact, Lily laughed so much and so hard that she fell to the ground, holding her stomach as she shook with laughter. With a helpless sigh, James smiled at her—thinking that he had never seen her look as happy as she did now. When she laughed, he forgot that Alicia was fuming mad at him. When she smiled, he forgot that he was engaged to another. When she sang, he forgot that he wasn't supposed to be looking at her. Sitting down next to her, he glanced over, grinning at her as she finally wore herself out, slinging one arm lazily over her eyes.

"You're such child, Lily," he said with a shake of his head, looking back at the borderline of the Forbidden—with good reason—Forest.

"And you're not much older than I am, _boy,_" she returned evenly, clearly still catching her breath. "So don't look at the moon so deep in thought."

In so many ways, it was true. James was a boy who had never really grown up. When Lily was around him, he felt like nothing mattered—like she could jump off a cliff and he would follow. Despite knowing that Alicia was upset with him and knowing he was in a great deal of trouble later—right now he just didn't care. Right now, James Potter was the stupid seventeen year old boy he was instead of a man that would be married in a few months. It was so ridiculous, but this childish little girl next to him brought out the _boy_ in him.

Suddenly, there was a tug at his arm and he snapped his head in her direction, realizing that she had already gotten to her feet and was already trying to pull him to his. With a groan, he appeased her command and got up. Grabbing his tie, Lily tugged his face on a level with hers—so close that all he could see were those sparkling green eyes.

"Say it. I know you want to," she dared, her eyes flashing at him.

James swallowed, pursing his lips. Though he had suspicions of just _what_ she wanted him to say, it was probably his residual delusions of her at work that was once again making stuff up again. Once again, the proximity of the situation flooded his head with the kiss that she gave him not too long ago and he imagined the same thing happening again. No matter how unreal or impossible it probably was. After all, he was quite delusional about her before—it was bound to still be happening. The scent of her drove him mad and for everything in the world he owned he wanted to just kiss her right then and there—but he knew he had more restraint than that. The ring on his finger was a burning reminder he couldn't, for one.

It was no small feat—he had to commend himself on—to resist her.

For Lily Evans was seduction incarnate.

As her grip on his tie slid down to the end, but never truly releasing his tie, she started to walk around him, causing him to spin around in circles. James protested this—nearly tripping—up until he was able to turn around himself to the pace she set by walking around him. All the while Lily eyed him with a rather carnivorous stare—like he was a meal set out on a silver platter for her to devour. Sharp, green eyes turned predatory and James swallowed.

"W-Why are you doing this? What are you trying to do?" he asked rather nervously, not particularly liking the look in her eye right now.

A soft sigh escaped her lips and she clicked her tongue slowly, multiple times. With a shake of her head, she raised her eyebrows. "You know, James Potter, for a long time in my life, I've only ever had things _taken_—" a pause, "—from me," she said in a casual tone. Closing her eyes she smiled, as if remembering a fond memory. "All things in life are based on opportunity. There are only two types of people in this world—those who take it and those who don't." Stopping suddenly, she opened her eyes and stared at him from the corner under long, dark lashes.

James smirked, deciding that he would at least run after her even if he could never hope to catch up. "Really? And what kind of person am I? Are you?"

'Hmm-ing' Lily placed a finger upon her lips, tilting her head, looking away from him—but still keeping a firm grip on his tie. "You, James Potter, are of the latter. Most definitely. _I_," she emphasized, "however, am decidedly of the former. Do you know why?" she asked, rather rhetorically—because they both knew she would answer her own question whether he prompted for the answer or not.

Letting a short, distinct laugh escape his lips, James gave her an incredulous look. For now, where Alicia's eyes could not see him, he would do as he pleased. "Why's that?" he asked—now completely amused by the mood she was in.

"Because I have absolute determination. Because I have absolute _ambition,"_ she hissed. "Everything in this world is based on _opportunity._ It is _because_ I have utter determination; _because_ I have vicious ambition that any opportunity I want I will get. It is because I _want_ it _so badly… _that I will reach out…" she said, wrapping a gloved hand around the rose on his jacket, "and _take it_," she said with a sharp tone, pulling the rose out of his jacket pocket, bringing it to her lips, breathing deeply. "_Ruthlessly,_" she whispered slowly in his ear as she leaned closer to him, coating every syllable with the drug that was the sound of her sweet, addictive voice.

A shiver went down James' spine and he felt trapped. Bound. No escape. Despite that feeling, he wanted to stay there, stay caught and meet the eyes of the fox that would devour him. His pulse quickened considerably as he could feel her warm breath caress his ear as she whispered her last word to him. The word lingered on the air and it stilled everything inside of him, right down to his rapidly beating heart that had stopped as if it were frozen in time.

"James!" a voice called out.

Alicia.

"James! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't be angry!" she yelled out frantically in the darkness—obviously looking all over for him.

Slowly, Lily let go of his tie—letting it thread through her fingers—and stepped away from him. The look on her face was as if she had just won the world over to her side in a bid for domination and absolute power. It was a look of triumph. It was a look of sheer satisfaction. It was the look of someone who had just committed murder and gotten away with it. Turning on her heel, she promptly strode off, breathing deeply of the rose held securely in her hands.

"Didn't I always warn you to be careful of that fox, James?" she said into the night as she disappeared into the darkness; her words left to linger in the air and float in James' swirling mind.

Moments later, when Alicia found him and as he stared at her tear-struck face James could only smile at her. Alicia shot out apologies and incoherent words akin to apology like a gun on rapid fire. The words fell on deaf ears however as James merely reached out and hugged Alicia as she went as dead silent as the night.

Not even saying anything, James could only smile.

For murder had been committed this night.

* * *

To My Reviewers:

I love you all lots. If you haven't been reading my news section on my profile, that's okay. I took a break to play with my newest toy: Photoshop CS4. I promised you I'd be back sometime in February, and here I am. With a typical Monday update. Typical? Atypical? I'm not certain. Thank you for your patience.

With that said, I'd like to start promoting my next story in the works. Yes, that means _Your Choice of Flower_ is nearly complete. It is called _Liar Game_ and it is for my much loved Cardcaptor Sakura. Even if you've never seen the series, I encourage you to read it because you don't need to have watched the series to understand what's going on in this story. I've made sure of that. I didn't get enough votes in my poll to influence my decision otherwise, and so Lily and James will have to sit it out for the next round.

Comments:

I realize, as I'm taking a break from writing a paper due the very next day, I tend to do my best writing at night in the late hours of the morning. Around this time I'm half-dead, half-asleep and a touch insane. Despite the aftermath that awaits me in the morning, I'll always argue that the result was well worth it. Especially that 'A' I got on the paper when I wrote this.

Please R&R.

- Mnitue Miad

Bveregae of Qeunes.

PS. It's azmanig how our mdins wrok.


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